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i hope you know what you did. you've torn apart the only thing that was solid in our life. us. i can't help it that you've changed, it just hurts so much. maybe i've never been apart of that life so naturally what i thought never mattered. maybe you're just scared of this thing called love. maybe you could not believe that someone would be able to love you as you are in this lifetime. maybe you think that something as unpredictable as love may never last as long as it did and will probably stop tomorrow. maybe you think that it doesn't even exist in this day and age and i'm being delusional about it. maybe you just couldn't process the fact that you're moving away to a foreign place because of someone else. you suddenly felt like you've lost control of your life, could not decide and had your emotions decide for you. you've always been an intellectual and logical person, so naturally your emotions couldn't possibly decide for you as you can't explain it. however, you could deny it. so you did and thanks to that decision, we both have to suffer for it. do i blame you, yes. you'd discuss life changing decisions with friends and you can't even talk to me about it without holding back what you really thought. i've shared four years of my life with you (or at least I thought i did), yet you could not even come to me and be truthful when you have problems. i don't mean that you lied but i could tell that at times you were hiding your thoughts from me. at times you hid us like i was your little secret. maybe i embarrass you. maybe i should've said something about it. maybe i'm just not good enough to be with you. maybe i didn't love you enough. Or maybe i was just a waste of space in your life. gawd, i feel awfully stupid. i mean here i was prepared to spend my life with you and be with you wherever you are, meanwhile you were planning to abandon ship behind my back. you know what, i'm serioulsy dumbfucked. you mentioned that we were too far apart to be together. well you had your chance to get us closer togerther and you bailed. now i know how much i matter to you. interesting prospect but probably not worth spending your life or future with. just when i was euphorically counting down the days we'd meet, now i'm miserably counting the amount of tears i've cried. you really do know how to break a girl's heart. you said you can't stand another year of this non-relationship thing. so i guess this was what it meant to you all these years. a non-relationship. sad. so sad. just fucking sad.
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| | Posted 12/23/2008 3:00 AM - 224 Views - 0 eProps - 0 comments
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